Few nursing jokes!

Though it is better for you all to laugh once in a while...
After all it is the best cure that nature could ever provide..


Three wishes..
A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.

"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.

"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."


Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."



Baby Names

A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital.

She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.

The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!"

The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"

The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"

The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise."

The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"

The nurse replied, "Denephew!"




Getting Even

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk.

Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

The fourth nurse fainted.




A Routine Physical

A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"Oh, About One-sixty-five." he says.

The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"Oh, About six feet," he says.

The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.

"High!" The man explains, "Well, what did you expect? When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I'm short and fat!"

tracheoplasty = plastic surgery on the trachea

Around this time there are three tracheoplasty patients in our units. The privilege of this particular surgery is that this surgery re-instate those patient's talking ability.
One of those patient is Mr... who was a clerk before he met an accident and had to undergo a trachiostomy surgery. He is only 25 years and imagine what miserable his life could have been with an artificial airway to breath and a mouth which produce no sound at all. As far as I am concerned he is the lukiest among those three. Yes, others are also benefited. But they were suffering from cancers and over 50 years of age.

tracheoplasty = plastic surgery on the trachea

WHY THE MOTHER NATURE TAKES EVERYTHING FROM ONE AND GIVES EVERYTHING TO ANOTHER?

Last week a patient admitted to our unit. He was 65 years old. Though he had to work for his life. He wife was dead. His two children had abandoned him. To double his misery he recently developed a tongue CA.
He was admitted for an Oesophagoscopy. It too went wrong and his oesophagos got ruptured. Now he is with not one but two I.C. bottles. He is suffering to the fullest and everything doing behalf of him seems like going wasted.
Every time I see him this question comes into my mind.

WHY THE MOTHER NATURE TAKES EVERYTHING FROM ONE AND GIVES EVERYTHING TO ANOTHER? Is this justice enough?

Have u felt this too?

 I work in an a E.N.T unit as a nurse. It is not a heavy unit. Only 55 beds are available. (I don't know about your countries but in my country it is considered as a light unit. There are only 15 nurses working in our unit. As most of them are seniors I sometime feels I am too small. I am not complaining that those more experienced and matured colleges of mine are are bulling me. Event hough they help me, the feeling sometimes make me uneasy. I wish to have some more juniors or colleges from my own batch.

I am back!

I am back for my next vacation. During my work days I had a lot to do with sleep studies. So I decided to give u guys some ideas of what was it all about. 

Sleep studies allow  to measure how much and how well you sleep. They also help show whether you have sleep problems and how severe they are.

Sleep studies are important because untreated sleep disorders can increase your risk for high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, and other medical conditions. People usually aren't aware of their breathing and movements while sleeping. They may never think to talk to their doctors about sleep- and health-related issues that may be linked to sleep problems.

Doctors can diagnose and treat sleep disorders. Talk to your doctor if you feel tired or very sleepy while at work or school most days of the week. You also may want to talk to your doctor if you often have trouble falling or staying asleep, or if you wake up too early and aren't able to get back to sleep. These are common signs of a sleep disorder.

Doctors can diagnose some sleep disorders by asking questions about your sleep schedule and habits and by getting information from sleep partners or parents. To diagnose other sleep disorders, doctors also use the results from sleep studies and other medical tests.

Sleep studies can help doctors diagnose:
Sleep-related breathing disorders (such as sleep apnea)
Sleep-related seizure disorders
Parasomnias (such as sleepwalking)
Narcolepsy
Insomnia
Circadian (ser-KA-de-an) rhythm disorders.

Well I guess that  u guys have at least a small idea about "Sleep studies". I was the one who did all the moniterings. This process was quite long. Listning to someone's snoring sound wasn't the best thing in the world for sure....

Lifting & Moving Patients

  Thousands of patients are lifted and moved by EMTs and many EMTs are injured because they attempt to lift or move a patient improperly. A wide variety of patient conditions as well as circumstances affect how the patient is "packaged" for transport. 

  The expression "Lift with your legs and not your back." is a very important part of proper body mechanics. Always get as close to the patient as you can when lifting. Keep your arms and patient as close to your body as you can to help create leverage and maintain balance. Bend at the knees while keeping your back as straight as possible. Recognize your limitations and call for back-up when needed to lift patient.

Guidelines for Safe Lifting

1. Consider the weight of the patient together with the weight of the stretcher or other equipment being carried and determine if additional help is needed.

2. Know your physical ability and limitations. Know your combined ability with your partner. If absolutely necessary, you can ask bystanders to help. You or your partner must be in charge and give the orders, not the bystander.

3. Lift without twisting. Avoid any kind of swinging motion when lifting as well. 

4. Position your feet shoulder width apart with one foot slightly in front of the other. Wear proper boots that go above the ankle to protect your feet and help keep a firm footing. Boots should have nonskid soles. 

5. Communicate clearly and frequently with your partner. Decide ahead of time how you will move the patient and what verbal commands will be used. Also, tell the patient what you will be doing ahead of time. A startled patient may reach out or grab something and cause a loss of balance. 

Guidelines for Lifting Cots and Stretchers

Most back injuries to EMTs can be avoided by following the following guidelines:
Know or find out the weight to be lifted.
Use a minimum of two people to lift, even if a one-person stretcher is being used.
Use an even number of people to maintain balance during the lift.
Know the weight limitations of the equipment you use. Know what to do if the patient exceeds the weight limitations of the equipment.
Use the power lift or squat lift position. Feet are shoulder width apart. Back is tight and the abdominal muscles lock the lower back in a slight inward curve. Distribute weight to the balls of the feet. Keep both feet in full contact with floor or ground. While standing, keep the back locked in, as the upper body comes up before the hips.
Use a power grip to get maximum force from the hands. Hands should be at least 10 inches apart. Palms face up and fingers in complete contact with the stretcher bar.
Lift while keeping your back in the locked-in position.
When lowering the cot or stretcher, reverse the steps.
Avoid bending at the waist.
Avoid twisting. "Feed" the stretcher into the ambulance while face across the patient.

Guidelines for Carrying Patients and Equipment
Whenever possible, move patients on devices that can be rolled.
Minimize the distance needed to carry patients
Know the weight to be carried.
Work in a coordinated manner with your partner.
Keep the weight as close to your body as possible.
Keep your back in a locked-in position and refrain from twisting.
Flex at the hips, NOT the waist, and bend at the knees.
Do not hyperextend your back (do not lean back from the waist).
Try to lift with a partner that has similar height and strength.

Guidelines for Safe Carrying on Stairs

  One of the most difficult carries an EMT must do is carry a patient backwards up a stairway. Try to carry heavy patients up a stairway with two people at the top, shoulder to shoulder, and two at the bottom of the stretcher.
Always carry patients head first up the stairs and feet first down the stairs.
Try to use a stair chair if the patient's condition allows it. If a stair chair is not available, use a light but sturdy kitchen chair. If neither are available, use the extremity lift.
Keep you back in the locked-in position.
Flex at the hips, NOT the waist, and bend at the knees.
Keep the weight and your arms as close to your body as possible.

Guidelines for Reaching
Keep your back in locked-in position.
Avoid stretching or overreaching when reaching overhead.
Avoid twisting.
Keep your back straight when leaning over patients.
Lean from the hips.
Use shoulder muscles with log rolls.
Avoid reaching more than 15-20" in front of your body.
Avoid reaching and strenuous activity for more than 1 minute.

Guidelines for Pushing and Pulling
Push whenever possible rather than pull.
Keep your back locked-in.
Keep elbows bent with arms close to sides.
Keep the line of pull through the center of your body by bending your knees.
Keep weight close to body.
Push at a level between your waist and shoulders.
Use kneeling position if weight is below waist level.
Avoid pushing and pulling from overhead position.

Principles for Moving Patients

Emergency Moves

  A patient should be moved immediately by an emergency move only when there is an immediate danger to the paitnet or the EMTs including:
Fire or danger of fire.
Danger of explosives or other hazardous materials.
Inability to protect patient from other hazards at the scene.
Inability to gain access to other patients who need lifesaving care.
Inability to provide care due to location or position.

Clothing Drag

1. Tie the patient's wrists together if you have something quickly available. If nothing is available, tuck the hands into the waist band to prevent them from being pulled upwards.

2. Clutch the patient's clothing on both sides of the neck to provide a support for the head.

3. Pull the patient towards you as you back up, watching the patient at all times. The pulling force should be concentrated under the armpits and NOT the neck.

Sheet Drag

1. Fold or twist a sheet or large towel lengthwise.

2. Place the narrowed sheet across the chest at the level of the armpits.

3. Tuck the sheet ends under the armpits and behind the patient's head.

4. Grasp the two ends behind the head to form a support and a means for pulling.

5. Pull the patient toward you while observing the patient at all times.

Blanket Drag

1. Lay a blanket lengthwise beside the patient.

2. Kneel on the opposite side of the patient and roll the patient toward you.

3. As the patient lies on their side while resting against you, reach across and grab the blanket.

4. Tightly tuck half of the blanket lengthwise under the patient and leave the other half lying flat.

5. Gently roll the patient onto their back.

6. Pull the tucked portion of the blanket out from under the patient and wrap it around the body.

7. Grasp the blanket under the patient's head to form a support and means for pulling.

8. Pull while backing up and while observing the patient at all times.

Bent Arm Drag

1. Reach under the patient's armpits from behind and grasp the forearms or wrists.

2. Use your arms as a cradle for the patient's head and keep the arms locked in a bent position by your grasp.

3. Drag the patient towards you as you walk backwards, observing the patient at all times.

Urgent Moves

  Sometimes a patient must be moved more quickly than usual due to reasons of an urgent nature. Weather conditions, hostile bystanders, uncontrolled traffic, and rapidly rising flood waters are some examples of situations requiring an urgent move.

Procedure for Rapid Extrication
One EMT should be stationed behind the patient. Place one hand on each side of the patient's head to stabilize the neck in a neutral position. It is done as you begin evaluation of the airway.
The second EMT quickly applies a cervical spine immobilization device while doing a rapid primary survey.
A third EMT simultaneously places the long backboard onto the seat and, if possible, slightly under the patient's buttocks.
The second EMT supports the chest and back as the third EMT frees the patient's legs from the pedals and floor panel.
The patient is rotated in several short coordinated moves until the patient's back is in the open doorway and feet are on the backboard.
Another EMT supports the patient's head until the first EMT gets out and takes control of the cervical spine immobilization device from outside the vehicle.
The EMT team lowers the patient and slides the patient onto the board in short coordinated movements. Straighten the patient's legs and make sure the neck and back do not bend. Secure patient to backboard after the patient is brought back to the ambulance.

Nonurgent Moves

  This is the most frequent type of move and the best way to make the move depends on the illness or injury, factors at the scene, and equipment and personnel resources available.

Direct Ground Lift
2-3 EMTs line up on the same side of a supine patient.
The EMTs all kneel on one knee.
Cross the patient's arms on the chest if injuries don't prevent it.
The EMT at the head places one arm under the patient's head and shoulders, cradling the head. The other arm is placed under the patient's lower back.
The second EMT places one arm directly below the first EMT's arm in the small of the patient's back. The second arm is placed under the patient's knees.
The third EMT (if available) slides both arms under the patient's waist. The other EMTs adjust their arms accordingly.
On signal, the EMTs lift the patient to their knees and roll the patient in toward their chests.
On signal, the EMTs stand and move the patient to the stretcher.
On signal, the patient is lowered onto the stretcher, which has been positioned at waist level.

Extremity Lift

  This is only used when a spinal injury is not suspected. It is best used for short distances.
One EMT kneels at the patient's head and the other EMT kneels at the patient's side by the knees.
The EMT at the head reaches under the patient arms at the shoulders and grasps the patient's wrists. If the patient is unresponsive or uncooperative, the other EMT may assist by lifting the patient's wrists to within the reach of the partner. To improve stability, the patient's left wrist may be grasped by your right hand and their right wrist by your left hand. This crosses the patient's arms over their chest creating a more secure hold with less give.
The second EMT reaches under both knees with one arm and under the buttocks with the other arm.
The EMT's rise to a crouching position, then simultaneously stand and move with the patient to the stretcher.

Transfer of Supine Patient from Bed to Stretcher

Direct Carry
Position the stretcher at a right angle to the patient's bed with the head end of the stretcher at the foot of the bed.
Prepare the stretcher by unbuckling the straps, removing other items, and lowering the closest railing.
Both EMTs stand between the stretcher and the bed, facing the patient.
The EMT at the head end of the stretcher slides one arm under the patient's neck and shoulders, cupping the far shoulder with his or her hand and cradling the head.
The second EMT slides one arm under the small of the patient's back, slides the arm under the buttocks and lifts slightly to allow the first EMT to slide an arm under the waist.
The second EMT reaches under the patient's lower legs.
The patient is pulled to the edge of the bed, then lifted and curled toward the EMT's chest.
The EMTs rotate to be in line with the stretcher, then place the patient gently on to it.

Draw Sheet Method
Loosen the bottom sheet on patient's bed.
Adjust stretcher to height of bed, unbuckle straps, lower both rails, and remove all items from stretcher.
Place the stretcher against the side of the bed.
Both EMTs reach across the stretcher and grasp the sheet firmly beside the patient's head, chest, hips and knees.
Slide the patient gently across and onto the stretcher. If enough personnel are available, the patient may be lifted by grasping the sheet on both sides of the patient at the chest and hip simultanously.

Equipment for Moving Patients

Wheeled Stretcher

  Two basic types of stretchers are used: the two-person and the one-person. The two-person requires two EMTs to lift and load in the ambulance, whereas, the one-person stretcher has special loading wheels at the head that allows one EMT to load it into the ambulance. Stretchers are usually adjustable to different heights and different angles. Some can be adjusted to elevate the legs (Trendelenberg position). Additional equipment may be attached to the stretchers including oxygen, IV lines, and cardiac monitors or defibrillators.

Guidelines for Moving Stretchers
Stretchers should be handled by two EMTs with both hands on the stretcher. Other personnel or bystanders may be asked to help carry additional equipment if necessary.
Never leave the patient alone on the stretcher.
Load the stretcher with the foot end first or going upstairs.
Position one EMT at the foot and one EMT at the head of the stretcher when rolling it. The EMT at the foot should pull while the EMT at the head should push.
Always maintain a firm grip on the stretcher when rolling to prevent a tipover.
Lower the stretcher and carry end to end if the ground is to rough to roll the stretcher safely.
Use four EMTs, one at each corner, when moving a stretcher across extremely rough terrain.
Turn corners slowly and squarely, avoiding sideways movements that might make the patient dizzy.
Lift the stretcher over rugs, grates, door jams, and other such obstacles on the ground or floor.
Keep the patient secured with belts at all times while on stretcher even if the stretcher is not being moved.

Loading the Ambulance
Place the head end of the two-person stretcher close to the bumper of the ambulance, and make certain it is locked at its lowest level.
The EMTs stand on opposite sides of the stretcher, bend at the knees while keeping their backs straight, and grasp the lowest bar of the stretcher.
Hands are positioned at each end of the lowest bar with both palms facing up.
On signal, both EMTs stand and move toward the rear of the ambulance until the front wheels rest on the floor at the back of the ambulance.
Roll the stretcher forward and guide it into the front of the stretcher catch. Then the foot end of the stretcher is locked into place.
NOTE: Load hanging and portable stretchers before the wheeled stretcher. Obstetrics patients may be loaded feet first so that it is easier to manage an impending delivery. Make sure that all patients and stretchers are secure before moving the ambulance.

Unloading the Ambulance
Unlock the latch at the foot end of the stretcher catch and pull the stretcher until the rear wheels are at the lowest end of the floor.
Grasp the lowest bar on each side of the stretcher with palms facing upwards as it is rolled out.
Once the head end of the stretcher is clear of the ambulance, keep the stretcher level and lower it to the ground by bending at the knees while keeping the back straight. The stretcher may then be raised by triggering the appropriate release handle.
Alternative. Once the head end of the stretcher is level and clear of the ambulance, the driver's side EMT may trigger the handle release and allow the base of the stretcher to slide down the legs of the EMTs. This method avoids the extra lift from the ground but requires the use of the main stretcher bar for lifting and simultaneous release of the handle.
Portable stretchers, or "folding stretchers" weigh 8-15 pounds and can carry a patient up to 350 pounds. They are more easy to use when carrying patients down stairs, down hill, or over rough terrain. It can be suspended from the ceiling with special brackets, placed on the floor, or secured to the squad bench.

Stair Chair

  These are designed for patients that can sit up while being carried. They are useful for taking patients up or down stairs, or through narrow passageways. The patient must be transferred to the stretcher once back at the ambulance. 

  The extremity lift is used to place the patient in the stair chair. All belts and straps must be secured before moving patient. The patients wrists may be loosely tied to prevent grabbing onto fixtures and causing loss of balance when moving them. The chair is tilted slightly backwards to allow movement with the wheels on the chair.

Long Backboard

  There are several styles of backboards:
Ohio is coffin-shaped to fit easily into a basket stretcher or helicopter.
Farrington is rectangular with rounded corners.
Aluminum are usually foldable but they can be uncomfortable in cold weather and prevent x-rays from being taken.
Miller is made of molded plastic and is strong and buoyant.
Vacuum molds to the patient once they are positioned in it.

  The importance of a backboard is in spinal immobilization and moving the patient, especially during rapid extrication, and providing secondary support when using a short spineboard.

Short Backboard

  This is used when a spinal injury is suspected and the patient is in a seated position. They made be made from wood, aluminum, or plastic. A vest type is also used when a patient is found inside a small car or place. It wraps around the patient and has all the straps attached or enclosed.

Scoop (Orthopedic) Stretcher

  This is designed to easily lift supine patients. The stretcher is made of a rectangular aluminum tube with V-shaped lifts to "scoop" patients from the floor or ground without changing their position. Its greatest advantage is that it can be used in confined spaces where other stretchers cannot fit.

  The scoop may be used to initially lift the patient with a suspected spine injury. The patient should then be placed immediately on a long backboard for immobilization. If no spine injury is suspected, the scoop can then be placed with patient onto the stretcher for transport.

  The following steps are used with the scoop stretcher:
Adjust the length of the scoop stretcher on the ground beside the patient to accommodate the patient.
Separate the stretcher halves and place one half on each side of the patient. Do not lift equipment over patient.
Slightly lift the clothing on one side of the patient while another EMT slides one half of the scoop under the patient's side. Repeat on the other side. If a spine injury is suspected, another EMT must maintain cervical spine support at all times.
Lock the head end of the scoop in place, then bring the foot end together until the assembly is locked. If any resistance is met, have an EMT gently lift one side of the patient. This move prevents the patient's clothing from being caught or their skin from being pinched.
Attach the padded head strap. Use at least three straps to secure the patient to the scoop stretcher before lifting.

Flexible Stretcher

  Do not use the flexible, or "pole" stretcher if spine injury is suspected. It is designed for the following uses:
limited access space
on stairs or around cramped corners
when other equipment is not available

Patient Positioning

  EMTs should consider not only the best equipment to use but the position of the patient. The following general rules apply:
Unresponsive patients without suspected spine injury should be placed in the recovery position on their left side.
Patients with chest pain or difficulty breathing should NOT be walked to the ambulance.
Patients with suspected spine injury should be fully immobilized on a long backboard.
Patients with signs and symptoms of shock should have their legs elevated 8-12 inches.
Place the pregnant patient with hypotension on her left side.
Load the pregnant patient whose delivery is imminent feet first into the ambulance to allow for more room to work.
An infant's own car seat should be used if possible. It can be secured to the stretcher with the straps. It can also serve as an immobilization device with padding and taping.
Patients with head injury and no suspected spine injury should be transported in a semi-sitting position at about a 45 degree angle. This reduces pressure inside the skull and risk for increased bleeding.
Trauma patients with multiple injuries should always be transported on the long backboard to provide full body immobilization.
Use discretion when moving and positioning a disabled patient. Increased communication is necessary with visually or hearing impaired patients. Take extra care when securing patients with physical deformities. Use pillows, rolled towels, or other supports and padding to create a more comfortable position.
Elderly patients should be placed in a position that will be as comfortable as possible for their condition. Extra time and care with patients with conditions such as arthritis, osteoporosis, or other conditions is important to reduce risk of further injuries.

Nursing going downwords

Why is my question. It is so sure that a nurse doing a very important jo in society. But I think that it is not given the necessary attention. So the job satisfaction is going downwords.  The sallary scale is not satisfactory enough too. But most of all it is about the self respect. 

breakbone fever

HI again,

Here I am again. I am on vacation these days. Infact the vacation ends from today. So today is the last day of some (UN)happy days. Infact Iam on medical leaves. Because I caughup with dengue fever. It wasn't very pleasent experience. The pain is unbearable.

Here is the definition for dengue fever,

Dengue fever  and dengue hemorrhagic fever (DHF) are acute febrile diseases, found in the tropics, and caused by four closely related virus serotypes of the genus Flavivirus, family Flaviviridae.[1] It is also known as breakbone fever. 

Introduction

Hi,

I am a nurse from a asian country. Eventhough it is not my dreem job I don't complain about it eather. I have a lot to tell. Actually I wanted to share my experiences and eyerything with other nurses but couldn't find any appropriate site. That is why I desidee to create my own blog. Hope u all enjoy It.