Few nursing jokes!

Though it is better for you all to laugh once in a while...
After all it is the best cure that nature could ever provide..


Three wishes..
A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.

"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.

"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.

The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."


Five Minutes

A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too."



Baby Names

A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital.

She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.

The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!"

The lady said, "Oh, I must name them," but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"

The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"

The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise."

The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"

The nurse replied, "Denephew!"




Getting Even

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk.

Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

The fourth nurse fainted.




A Routine Physical

A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"Oh, About One-sixty-five." he says.

The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"Oh, About six feet," he says.

The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.

"High!" The man explains, "Well, what did you expect? When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, I'm short and fat!"